Can a Marriage Be Saved After No Longer Physically Attracted

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There are many reasons why people enter into committed, long-term relationships or marriages that have little to practise with physical attraction. Some people marry to please others, such as their parents. One client became engaged to a homo she had fiddling attraction for primarily considering of enormous pressure level from her mother to settle down. Other people ally for reasons of age and reproduction—they are fighting their biological clocks. And others do so to escape loneliness or to create an instant family. People who are solitary or come from broken homes might exist unwittingly compelled to commit under these circumstances. Others strive to make up for a loss, as in the case of a partner who recently lost a spouse. And finally, some people attempt to escape societal pressure or to fit in. As one client remarked, "It's a couple's-oriented guild and I hate feeling like a third wheel."

Many people believe that the importance of concrete attraction is overrated. These individuals contend that other factors, such as an emotional connectedness, friendship, the power to communicate, the willingness to offset a family, and safe and security are just as vital, if not more than, to sustaining a healthy, long-term relationship. Just I beg to differ. While these factors are of import to a viable relationship, so is a passionate, concrete attraction. I'll fifty-fifty submit that if physical attraction "never" existed between partners then they are living in a veritable "house of cards." When choosing a lifemate, many of these individuals came packing with a "checklist" comprised of tangibles but defective in concrete attraction. "I was never raised to consider such a matter," said a female client. "I was taught that looks and sex weren't that of import. Honesty, productivity, and loyalty were important, and higher up all else, religion and family. Now I don't even desire to kiss my hubby. When I see a man that I detect attractive, I get excited. It's as if I'thou finally freed upwardly to feel my desires."

It is truthful that many people manage to stay together with trivial to no concrete allure. Severe health issues nonetheless, some of these people are engaged in child-centered marriages or they've establish a way to sublimate their sexual desire via work, sports, or even substance dependence. Others consciously submit to living with a large hole in their lives. But for many, sooner or later the void craves filling and trouble ensues. It'south simply human being.

In marital therapy, I always request that each partner attends at least one individual session. During this time, I inquire about their land of allure and its history. I inquire if there is current physical allure—and if it ever existed. I also ask detailed questions about each partner'southward sexual activity, both past and present. Fantasies are also explored, as these tin can reveal what partners are "really" attracted to. In some cases, a couple may be having regular sexual practice, admitting obligatory and relatively unsatisfactory. Most oft, however, the less-interested person has lost the need to even endeavor to stir upwards a little passion. To put information technology bluntly, if you ignore physical attraction when choosing a partner, your relationship may be temporary.

Here are some of the consequences you may eventually face:

1. Poor Sex Life. People stuck in a relationship defective concrete attraction volition most likely have little to no sexual practice. I've treated couples that haven't been sexually intimate in 10-15 years. Some of these marriages were never consummated. Many such partners slumber in separate beds, even relatively young couples. Ofttimes the couple has never experienced a expert sex life: Yous tin can discover this by request virtually early dating or honeymoon activeness.

The less-interested partner is often defendant of never "initiating" sex, or doing so at the most inopportune times making it less probable to happen. But don't be fooled by the mate who claims to want more sexual intimacy. They besides, often enable the sabotaging of their sex lives. Some practice so by turning information technology downwards when it is initiated, or complaining that information technology is never expert enough. This, in turn, can crusade the partner who finally initiated to retreat or completely shut downward.

2. Affairs. The lack of attraction in a primary human relationship often leaves an opening for a 3rd party to enter. The initiator of an affair might be the mate who claims to have an attraction but feels deprived by the other. In my experience, though, it's usually the partner with little attraction that seems to find a lover. Piece of work or the gym seem to be the virtually common places for affairs to develop. Running into someone that finally electrifies you is hard to resist. And in one case an affair becomes physical, it becomes that much harder to end. This is one reason I liken an thing to a zombie: Equally in any respectable zombie movie, just when you think a zombie is destroyed, it surprises you and comes back again.

3. Nitpicking. When a partner feels trapped in an unhappy human relationship, they tend to consistently find things wrong with their partner: The way they smell, the way they eat, the words they utilise. Things they may have once found endearing are now annoying. Some of these critics hope that the partner volition become the message and stop the relationship—something the nitpicker may be scared to do. Others are but projecting their own frustration onto a partner. Nitpicking in this context may be considered sadistic, but considering it is usually unconscious it is hard to stop. In my clinical experience, once the underlying reason for the nitpicking surfaces, a couple may notice themselves forced to deal with their attraction issue—a more than authentic, even so unsafe place to be.

4. Altitude. The partner who isn't attracted will discover a way to stay abroad. This could manifest in both physical and emotional distance. To quote Roseanne Roseannadanna, "There'south ever something…if it'southward not one thing, it'due south another."

5. Lack of Respect. An private who isn't attracted might bear witness a lack of respect for their partner. While the nitpicker is always on the sentry, demonstrating a lack of respect might be less consistent but more than stinging. Insulting a partner in public is a mutual occurrence, or unfavorably comparing a partner to a neighbor, family unit member, or co-worker—or someone they despise. Humiliating a partner on the grandest stage is ofttimes a sign of unhappiness with a human relationship.

6. Lack of Affection. A lack of attraction with little to no sex may be bad enough, but many couples stuck in sexless partnerships often demonstrate little affection toward one another either. In that location is usually little hand-holding. Rarely do they put their arms around one another or sit in close proximity. One female client fabricated a bargain with her distancing husband: "At to the lowest degree sit down next to me on the burrow while we sentry telly. I hope I won't affect yous."

I realize that Victorian roots are still at play for many. Only the media routinely uses allure and sex to sell. Divorce is however stigmatized—less so at present than in previous decades—but it is certainly not celebrated. And yet we still don't pay homage to all that can make a relationship work. The next time you're looking for a life partner, call up to put concrete attraction and sexual compatibility on your checklist if you lot truly want a strong foundation.

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Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/magnetic-partners/201608/how-couples-deal-the-loss-physical-attraction

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